


What It's About

by Ashiepants



Series: Head Over Feet [30]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Army Brats, Courtroom Drama, Dating, F/M, Family, Flirting, Friendship, Gen, Hurt and comfort, Romance, Siblings, break-up, implied sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 20:28:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5178554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashiepants/pseuds/Ashiepants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who did Alex call? Is Sonny going to get over it? Why does Rafael have to have his personal life intwined with Carisi's?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What It's About

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe this took me so long to write! Thanks so much for waiting! And please let me know what you think.

"Aren't you a ray of sunshine today." Kennedy smirked as Sonny second guessed him for the hundredth time that day. 

Sonny's morning had gone from bad to worse. He was anticipating an angry phone call from Alex or a text after leaving his key this morning. He half regretted it except when he thought about her fucking somebody else. He curled his lip just imagining it and he couldn't think about anything else. 

"I call 'em like I see 'em, Chuckie." Sonny pouted. 

"Yeah well between you and the walking hormone I'm ready to use some of that sick pay and skidaddle." He added. 

Amanda rolled her eyes. "You're not our first choice for conversation either."

"I actually have to meet Barba in court." Sonny grabbed his coat off the back of his chair. "You wanna come with, Amanda?"

"Sure." She nodded and started to get up. 

"What am I gonna do?" Kennedy whined. 

"That looks like a lot of paper work." Sonny pointed his chin towards his in tray. "I'd probably start there."

Chuck rolled his eyes. "You ask your girl for me?"

"For what?" Amanda asked and started to laugh. "Sponge bath?"

Sonny swallowed hard and turned away. "No." He answered, shortly. 

"Well don't do me any favors." Kennedy replied. 

"I won't." Sonny sighed and motioned to Amanda. 

She followed him to the elevators and once inside looked at her colleague's harsh expression. 

"What's up? You alright?" She asked him. 

"Peachy." He spat. 

"Hey!" She scolded. "I'm not Kennedy!"

Sonny softened. "Sorry. It's nothin' I'll be fine."

"You know you're about to take the stand..." She raised an eyebrow. "If you need to get somethin' off your-"

"Thanks, Amanda but I'll be fine. It's not important." He shook his head. 

"Alright." She nodded. "What's Kennedy want from Alex?"

Sonny rolled his eyes. "He wants to know if she has any friends she can hook him up with."

Amanda laughed. "Desperate much?"

Sonny smirked and wagged his eyebrows at her.  
****  
"Detective Carisi?" A petite brunette walked up to him in the hallway of the courthouse, grabbing his arm gently at the elbow. "I'm Carla Fletcher, I'm Miles' mom."

"Oh, nice to meet you!" He smiled, brightly. "Call me, Sonny."

"I just wanted to say thank you, Sonny." She smiled back, not taking her hand off his arm. "I looked for you at the hospital but you had already signed out."

Sonny appraised her and one corner of his mouth lifted, liking what he saw. She was around his age, maybe a year or two older, with dark hair down her back and large brown eyes. 

"It's okay, really it's part of the job." Sonny deflected. 

"If it wasn't for you, Miles..." Her eyes filled with tears. "Thank you so much."

He touched her shoulder. "He's a good kid. He didn't deserve what happened to him."

She just nodded, while wiping away tears. 

"We're gonna make sure that this guy can't do this again." Sonny told her, looking her in the eye. 

"Miles is going to have to-" Her eyebrows knitted. 

"We'll help him wit that." Sonny rubbed her shoulder now. 

Amanda looked at him suspiciously. 

"Not having a father around for Miles. I just thought Marvin was a nice guy..." She tried to explain. 

"Hey." Sonny winked at her. "You're a good mother, Carla. You take real good care of him. This isn't your fault."

Amanda continued watching him. 

"You let me know if there's anything else I can do, alright?" He told her. 

She nodded. "Thank you again, Sonny."

"No problem, Carla. Here..." He pulled a card out of his wallet and wrote something on the back. He handed it to her. "Dis is my card and my personal number is on the back dere. Call if you need anything."

He waved at her and she walked back down the hallway. Amanda was still staring at him, horrified, when he turned away. His cheeks were a little pink and he put his hands in his pockets. 

"Anything else you can do?" She repeated his words. "Little touchy with mom, weren't you?"

Sonny shook his head. "Oh c'mon."

"How's Alex?" She asked. 

Sonny's face got serious and blank. "Fine."

Amanda turned to him again. "You sure?"

"Don't ask." He added. Amanda frowned. 

Rafael came hurriedly down the hall. "Carisi, you ready?"

Sonny pouted but nodded. 

"You went over my notes?" Raf added when seeing Sonny's detached look. 

He hated to bring anything from home into work but it wasn't his fault he was dating Carisi's girlfriend's brother. He knew about him and Alex and Thanksgiving and he wished he didn't but Walt could be a bit of a gossip. That and he worried about his sister and a little about Sonny whom he referred to as 'basically my best friend.' That part was sweet, Rafael had to admit. Walt was quite protective of his sister's fragile emotional life. 

"Yeah!" Sonny answered with frustration. "Let's just do dis."

Amanda walked ahead of both men into the courtroom. Rafael grabbed Sonny's arm. 

"I'm serious. Are you going to be alright in there?" Barba raised his eyebrows. 

"What? Yeah I'm good." He answered affirmatively. "I'm a professional."

Barba continued to eye him. It was odd having this extra insight into Carisi but he knew giving him the benefit of the doubt wasn't going to help the case if he was going to be a wreck out there. He needed to win this case. For himself and for this kid who didn't deserve what happened to him. And a heartbroken detective better not ruin the chances. 

"You'd better be."

Sonny turned with a narrowed eye. "Don't worry about it, Counselor!"  
****  
"Hey! Long time no talk!" She smiled. 

"You sound chipper." Her brother answered. "I thought you lost my number, I tried to call you. I'm really sorry Lex."

She shook her head. "It's fine."

"How's Sonny?" 

"He's a dick!" She answered angrily. 

"What?" He sounded confused. "He...he's really in love with you though! Brought me down a peg."

Alex sighed. "I never knew you and Walt were alike."

"We're not." He laughed. "Maybe we just know you. What happened?"

"I don't fucking know!" She complained. "I fought with him on Thanksgiving and I fought with him on Friday and then this morning he broke into my apartme-"

"He broke into your apartment? I thought he was a cop?" Henry asked furiously. 

"Well has a key but I wasn't home and-"

"Lexi that's a far cry from 'breaking in'."

"Who's side are you on?" Her anger flared. 

"Yours, of course." Henry laughed. 

"Well he went through my computer and saw something he shouldn't've and he got the wrong idea..." She could feel the tears coming on. "And he left his key and he wrote me this really mean note!"

"Not a mean note!?" Henry mocked. 

"Henry!" She yelled. 

He sighed. "Lexi...not that I'm in favor of him hitting me but...before that he seemed...you like him a lot?"

"Well not right now." She chewed her lip. 

"Alright, so he acted like a dick and he assaulted your brother and he wrote ya a mean note, but..."

"But what? Maybe you're right, right? I've never been into having relationships and I'm never going to be all domestic like he wants..."

"Is that what he wants?"

"Probably, right? I mean that's who his parents are. These happy people in the suburbs. I'm not a happy suburb person!" She knitted her eyebrows. 

"I just don't know if I was right." Henry sighed. "I just felt...it was weird. It hasn't been like that for us...well ever but not in a long time. I don't want us to stop being the way we always were."

"You think I'm going to abandon you?" She sat up. 

"No...I dunno. I felt like you had this other family." He explained. "Don't become one of the pod-people Lexi!"

She rolled her eyes. "Shut up."

"So you and the cop are broken up or what?" He asked. 

"I don't know. I don't think he wants to talk to me. How did I fuck this up?!" She sobbed. 

"Are you crying?" He sounded really concerned. 

"I never felt this way. And now I feel really horrible and mad and I hate it!" She cried more. "I hate him. And I hate me!"

"Ya know you can't just let it go?" He told her. "You're gonna have to talk to him eventually."

She laughed a little through her tears. "I called you because I thought you'd hate him too and you'd let me be mad."

"So be mad! No one gives you permission to do anything Alex. That's probably why he likes you so much. There's nothin' easy about you." He chuckled. "I love that about you. You don't do anything you don't want to do... Isn't that why we had dinner with his family?"

Alex didn't answer. It annoyed her a little that Henry didn't immediately jump on the "I hate Sonny" bandwagon, but he was probably right this time. 

"Just because you love somebody doesn't mean you can't be mad at them. Believe me I know!"

Alex frowned. "Are you okay?"

"What? Yeah! I mean I get to see Nate everyday in the flesh instead of on a screen. He didn't even fight me this morning when I got him up." He almost sounded happy. "Maybe that kid did me a favor."

"And your leg?"

"Limping." He sighed. "I go in tomorrow to have some X-rays. They think they might not have set the bone right. Or maybe I walked on it too much..."

"I'll go with you. What time? I don't work til late tomorrow!" She volunteered. 

"You don't gotta-"

"Henry I'm a nurse!" She insisted. "I can translate! Like Walt!"

She knew he was grinning on his end. 

"It's at 11:30 in Queens..." He started. 

"I can do that!" She nodded. "What are you doin today?"

"ESPN and babysitting."

"I don't think it's called babysitting when it's your kid, Henry." Alex rolled her eyes. 

"It is when he treats you like a long lost uncle." He answered. 

"You'll be home awhile. He'll warm up." She replied a little sadly. "I'm sorry about what I-"

"It's nothing Angela hasn't yelled at me." He sighed. "I missed a lot."

"He's 13 months old, he isn't leaving for college get Dada." She smiled. "I'll let you bond."

"Tell me how it goes with Detective what's his face." Henry said. 

"Sonny!"

"Yeah I can't call an adult man, Sonny." 

Alex laughed. "Bye bro. See ya tomorrow."

"Yeah. Bye Lex."  
****  
Barba was mad. Sonny wasn't entirely sure he wasn't either. The defense lawyer got what he wanted out of Sonny. He walked right into the trap and he saw it happening and had no way out. He rubbed his forehead; if he'd been in the right headspace maybe he could've said the right thing. 

"What the hell was that?" Rafael sneered, when they made their way out of the courtroom and into the hall. 

"Sorry-" Sonny started. 

"So were you lying about reading my notes or are you too stupid to follow them?" Barba looked murderous. 

Sonny scowled. "He backed me into a corner!"

"That I now have to work my way out of!" He looked down at his files and scrawled a quick note. 

"Yeah, well that's your job counselor!" Sonny pouted and walked on ahead, leaving Rafael to glare in his wake. 

Amanda followed to where Sonny sat on the bench and put his head in his hands. 

"Hey?" She looked concerned. 

He glanced up and started to shake his head. "I'm alright."

She laughed. "I don't know why you're being tough in front of me."

"I'm not being-"

"Listen, you don't have to tell me what's goin' on..." She interrupted. "But you have to find a way to fix it or deal with it, because Barba is not gonna let that go."

"I know." Sonny set his jaw and looked at the attorney, busily giving instructions to his assistants. 

"Yeah and he's gonna tell Liv."

Sonny rolled his eyes. "I'll get it together."

Amanda put her hand on one shoulder and gave him a brief smile. "Whatever you did...that girl loves you."

"What?" Sonny seemed surprised to hear that coming from her. 

"If she's mad at you or...I don't mean to pry but I can just tell the way she looks at you..." She grinned wider. "You have a good thing, Carisi."

He was silent but he swallowed and nodded.  
****  
"What are you doing tonight?" Alex asked Walt on the phone. 

The living room was dark but she hadn't turned on the lights. She didn't move most of the day. Alex was tired but she hadn't gone to sleep. Her mind was racing and it was making her mope. Talking to Henry helped, a little. He was never really the advice giving person. If she told him about boy trouble it was usually met with physical violence or intimidation. She didn't really need her big brother to beat guys up for her anymore. She could do that all on her own and probably worse. 

It's just that every time she thought about Sonny it was equal parts guilt and anger. How dare he hit her brother? How could she kick him out? She didn't want to admit how much she missed him. Even if it was rushed or they did nothing she hadn't spent this many days without seeing Sonny in a long while. She texted this to Sarah. 

"You're gross ;)!" Sarah replied. 

"I hate this." She added. "It's like I don't remember what I did before Sonny."

Was she lame enough to go upstairs into his apartment? Half retaliatory and half just to smell his smell.

"That is the creepiest thought I've ever thought." She told herself, but still wanted to go upstairs. 

She turned on mindless tv because she couldn't sleep. She knew she'd regret it when she had to start a 4 day cycle of 12 hour days without adequate sleep, but what could she do? She couldn't magically fix her relationship. She had a small fantasy about going down to the precinct to hand him his key back. Insisting on working it out. But that was a stupid fantasy. That's how stuff works in a movie, not in life. Besides showing up at his job before embarrassed him. She didn't want to embarrass him, just prove her commitment. Again, that was what happened in the movies. In real life you have to wait it out and have a conversation you don't want to have. 

"I'm...actually getting dinner with Raf in a little bit." Walt answered. 

"Awesome, I'm game." Alex invited herself, getting up off the couch at the same time. 

"Uh..." Walt hesitated. "Al, it's kind of a-"

"You interrupted me and Sonny all the time!" She argued. "I need to get out of the apartment."

Walt sighed. "I guess if I explain it to Raf he'll-"

"Great! Meet you in Manhattan?" She asked. 

"Yeah." He answered, with a sigh. 

"See ya in a little while." She hung up and went into the bedroom to find an appropriate outfit to wear out.  
****  
"Two?" The hostess at the sushi restaurant asked as Walt and Rafael approached. 

"Three." Walt spoke before Raf could. 

Rafael raised an eyebrow. "For the Holy Ghost?"

"Alex." Walt answered sheepishly. He looked at his phone for the millionth time to check her status. 

"Your sister, Alex?" He continued to look admonishingly at Walt. "Were you going to...?"

"I'm sorry." Walt grimaced. "She kind of invited herself and I felt bad."

Rafael sighed. He'd hoped to have the night to himself with Walt, not share him with a heartbroken sister. It was becoming a bad habit to have his life in anyway entangled with Sonny Carisi's. He hoped at least she would actively avoid talking about her love life. 

"It's okay right?" Walt frowned. "She's never like this and I told her to just talk to Sonny and I don't think she has-"

Rafael held his hand up. "It's fine."

Walt's shoulders dropped when they were seated. He was annoyed, the last thing Walt wanted to do was irritate Raf. It was too early in the relationship for that. 

"I promise I'll make it up to you, Raf..." Walt made his eyebrows jump. 

"Oh?" Rafael turned. 

"Tonight if you like?" Walt added with a kiss on his cheek. His phone buzzed from where he'd dropped it on the table. 

"Drinks?" The waiter asked as Walt replied to his text. 

"Sake and water." Rafael answered with a polite smile. The waiter and Rafael turned to Walt who was engrossed with his phone. 

"Walter?" Raf still had his scolding tone. 

"What?" Walt looked up. "Oh, lemonade is fine. And a water for Al."

"Two waters, sake, and a lemonade got it!" The waiter confirmed and walked away. 

Alex arrived at that moment, pulling a scarf from around her neck. She waved briefly.

"Hey guys." She grinned. She didn't look like she'd been moping all day. She actually looked well. But Walt didn't overlook her glasses, she almost never wore glasses outside her apartment. 

"Al." Rafael nodded. 

"I expected you to be in pajamas." Walt smirked. 

"I always cuten up for a date." Alex shot back. "Especially with two cute guys."

Walt's phone buzzed again. He immediately picked it up. 

"I thought you were texting her." Raf asked with a tone. He handed Alex the little sheet of paper to pick out sushi rolls which she immediately started ticking off with the little pencil next to her chopsticks. 

"I would've thought a district attorney would have more pressing matters than a linguist." Alex commented. "Did they find a new ancient language?"

Walt rolled his eyes. 

"I actually do have pressing cases. This was supposed to be a night off." Raf answered when the waiter returned with drinks and took the order sheets. 

Al grimaced. "Sorry. Anything good?" 

"Nothing I can talk about." He looked away, he wouldn't bring up any case, but certainly not the one that was currently tangled because her boyfriend was stressed about her. Rafael definitely hated this. 

"Aw!" Alex frowned. "Sonny does that too. He doesn't know why I want to know anyway."

"I don't either. They're not fairy tales." Rafael added. 

She shrugged. "I just want to know what he's up to. Not like the ER is rainbows. Last night my patient was so high he didn't know he was practically bleeding out."

Raf and Walt both made a face that Alex ignored as she continued. 

"I think he was in a cult." She widened her eyes. "He had all these weird tattoos and the stab wound looked like a ritual gone wrong and it turned out he was high on ayahuasca. And his name was Coyote."

"Maybe he's just a hippie?" Walt laughed. 

"Except when I was alone with him later he woke up and told me he could bring me closer to The Sovreign." She widened her eyes. "You didn't see him. He was terrifying and intriguing. Then he disappeared in the middle of the night. He definitely wasn't well. I bet he died in the streets."

"There's not some confidentiality clause you're violating?" Rafael asked. 

She shrugged again. "Are you gonna turn me in, Counselor? It was just so weird. Sonny would love this story."

"It's a shame you're telling us then." Rafael smirked. 

Alex glared at him. 

"You still haven't..." Walt started. 

"I'm too mad!" She insisted. 

"No, you're stubborn!" Walt retorted. "Ooo, sushi!"

Rafael laughed at Walt's reaction to the arriving food. "'Ooo, sushi'" he imitated. 

Walt grinned back. So did Alex. 

"You guys are cute." She observed serving herself a sampling from the array in front of them. 

Rafael rolled his eyes at her comment but had a small smile underneath. Walt brushed his thigh under the table causing Raf to kick his hand away. 

"Hey, ya order without me-?" Sonny came in from the cold pulling his jacket off, his badge still attached to his hip. He froze when he saw Alex sitting there, just putting a whole piece of sushi in her mouth. 

"Hey Al." He smiled slightly, she looked ridiculous in an adorable way with her cheeks stuffed like that, but then he remembered this morning and his expression soured. 

Rafael turned to Walt with a scowl. "Did you do this on purpose? What the hell?"

Alex glared at her brother and took a long drink of water to wash down her annoyance. Sonny hung his jacket over the back of his chair and sat down next to her silently. 

"I...he just invited himself, kinda like you did!" Walt accused, looking at Alex. 

"Ya coulda told me you were havin' dinner with Al." Sonny replied with a grimace. 

"You don't wanna have dinner with me?" Alex asked, with attitude. 

"Ay, dios..." Rafael threw his hand in the air and shook his head. 

"No...I mean...you're obviously mad at me!" Sonny explained with an eye roll. 

"But that doesn't mean..." Alex swelled. 

"Al..." Sonny took a deep breath. "I'll just go..."

"I don't want you to go!" She argued. 

Sonny looked momentarily surprised. 

Rafael almost looked murderous at their bickering. "Are you going to fight right here in the restaurant?"

"No." Alex shook her head, while crossing her arms. 

"No." Sonny agreed. 

"Good." Rafael felt like a school marm or their mother. "Now stop being assholes and enjoy the sushi!" Rafael finished and drank his sake in one gulp. 

Walt grinned over at him and put his hand on his thigh again. He kissed Raf's cheek. 

"I'm sorry." Walt smiled. "I just thought maybe it might be good for them."

"What is this an episode of I Love Lucy?" Rafael complained, positioning the chopsticks in his hand. 

Sonny, Walt, and Alex all laughed. 

"I Love Lucy, Raf?" Walt smirked. "You dinosaur."

Rafael looked flustered. "This wasn't supposed to be a double date, Walter!"

"Sorry about that, Counselor." Sonny pouted his lips. "I know how you hate to mix business and pleasure."

Rafael gave him a stern look but struggled to not make a remark about the case. He was annoyed with Carisi as well, maybe he and Alex would be good friends. 

Alex smirked. "Didn't know this was pleasurable, Detective."

Sonny shot her a look. For the first time all week he felt the familiar warmth of Al's gaze. That sassy, sarcastic tone he'd fallen for on first meeting. It made him hopeful that all wasn't lost. It almost made him forget about this morning. 

Rafael looked at Walt again and with an eyebrow raised told Walt in Spanish that his reward for enduring dinner was going to have to be even better now with the arrival of Sonny and he motioned with his hand. 

"Oh c'mon now, guys, dat's not very polite." Sonny smirked at their whispered Spanish. 

Walt blushed slightly before looking Sonny in the eye. 

"Actually Sonny, most of New York City is made up of inhabitants that are bilingual or more. Spanish, Chinese, Russian, they're all more prevalent as a first language. But you speak only English so I'm rude?" Walt explained. 

"Hey! I took Spanish in high school."

"Spanish for law enforcement?" Rafael smirked. "Hands up, where's your dealer?"

"Easy, Counselor." Walt shoved his shoulder. 

Alex laughed. Sonny turned to give her a look but caught her grin. He melted a little inside to see her smile like that, even at his expense. There was an easiness to being in her presence despite his mood all day. 

"Al don't know any other languages."

"Yiddish?" She asked innocently. 

"That doesn't count!" Walt rolled his eyes. 

"You count it as your 6th language!" She complained. 

"I count Hebrew!" He retorted. "Those are not the same. Yiddish is more of an amalgamation of Jewish languages. And you mostly know slang!"

"Oy vey!" Alex rolled her eyes. "Professor McClure over here!"

Rafael smirked. 

"Both of you should know something!" Walt insisted. "A nurse and a cop! You're emergency personnel!"

Rafael laughed at Walt's outburst. 

"We'll just call you!" Alex joked. 

"Nice cover up of your secret chat with your boyfriend, Off- Sold-...what do they call you? Like in the army?" Sonny asked, digging into the sushi. "You're like an officer."

"Yeah. It's just Mister. Mr. McClure." He explained. "My rank is warrant officer but the title for that is just mister."

"How anti-climatic." Sonny smirked. 

"I don't need a fancy title. I'm not Henry." Walt laughed and Alex joined him. 

"He worked hard for that though." She added. 

"Since when are you so team Henry?" Walt smirked. 

"Since always!" She stuck her tongue out at him.

Sonny frowned slightly at Alex. Army brats, always stick together. 

"We don't have enough food on this table." Rafael flagged down the waiter. 

"I didn't think you wanted to hang out with us." Alex smirked. 

Rafael returned the look. "I also don't want awkward silences I can't fill with a rainbow roll. And more sake."

Alex glanced at Sonny who was pointedly avoiding her eyes at the mention of awkward silences.  
****  
After Rafael dragged Walt away to a cab with rushed goodbyes, Alex and Sonny were left standing together on the pavement. Inside they had sat next to each other and talked as if nothing had passed between them over the last few days. They were far from affectionate but still it was close to normal. Outside they were silent and a little afraid. 

Alex sighed. "I suppose we should go catch the train."

"We can share a cab if you want?" Sonny offered. 

She shook her head as she brushed past him in the direction of the subway. "We can't afford a cab all the way home."

Sonny nodded as he followed her. She was right but it was cold and the cab ride would be a lot quicker allowing them to get away from each other sooner. Which he was sure Alex wanted. 

They walked in silence and Alex felt stupid. What was she supposed to say? They were just two strangers who lived on the same train line and in the same building. It was just like old times. She laughed. 

"What?" Sonny almost smiled. 

"Nothing." She shook her head. "It just reminds me of before I met you."

"Walkin' home alone not talkin' to the guy beside you?" He asked. 

"Kinda. I...after I noticed you... Sometimes I would see you on the subway or walking to it." She stared into the distance but didn't add more. 

"I never saw you." He added as they reached the top of the stairs to the station and he let her walk ahead of him. 

"I know." She nodded. "Always busy."

"What would you have done if I did?" He asked with a smile that she surprisingly returned. 

"I dunno. Reject you?" She rolled her eyes. 

"Naw you were all in love with me." He laughed. 

Alex didn't answer right away. Sonny looked down. 

"Trains comin'," Sonny motioned with his chin and again let her walk ahead of him onto the nearly empty car when it pulled to a stop. 

She sat down on one of the benches and Sonny sat leaving an empty seat between them. She stared at the empty spot between them with a concerned look. This felt terrible. Sonny sighed. 

"We don't have to do this." He grimaced. 

"Do what?" 

"Talk..." He shook his head. "We...if you're mad you don't have to talk to me."

"I don't know if I'm mad." She looked up and she had that sad tired look he recognized from a few weeks back. 

He wanted to close the gap between them and put his arm around her shoulder. He hesitated unsure if that was what she wanted or needed from him. For all the hurt he held onto all weekend and the anger he felt this morning, the petty cavalier way he flirted with that victim's mother this afternoon. It was all erased by looking at Alex's sad eyes. He didn't want to make her feel that way. He didn't want to feel this way himself. 

When they reached their stop Alex instinctively grabbed his hand but quickly released it. Sonny frowned. 

"Sorry." She whispered. He started to say it was okay but she walked on ahead of him. 

Coming up the stairs together Alex shivered when they reached street level. 

"Are you cold?" Sonny asked beginning to shrug off his coat.

"It's a coupla blocks, I can take it!" She insisted, shaking her head. 

"Alex, don't be stubborn." He took off the coat and draped it over her shoulders. 

She rolled her eyes. "I'll be fine."

"I wanted to." He confirmed. 

She smiled vaguely. "Now you'll be cold."

"I'm a hot blooded Italian, sweetheart." He joked. 

She laughed. This was exactly what she missed. Three full days apart had felt like a lifetime in terms of emotional turmoil. Still it made her feel weak to miss his dumb smile and his stupid dimples after only a few days. Who had she turned into? Was she always going to feel this way? Or worse, was this the only chance she had to feel this way. 

"Sonny?" She asked as he turned his key in the gate on the building and lead the way inside. 

"Hmm?"

She wanted to invite him in. She wanted to say I'm sorry. She wanted to kiss his lips and feel his breath on her skin. 

But instead she just took off his coat and handed it back. "Thanks."

"Yeah." He nodded and watched her as she pulled the gate on the elevator back. 

Once inside she turned and looked at him expectantly. He squeezed in beside her like he had a dozen times or more. Somehow this time reminded him of the first time they had. When he awkwardly smelled her shampoo and she caught him. He smiled at the memory.

"What?" She asked. 

"Do you remember our first date?" He asked. 

"Uh huh." She nodded.

He got out before her and walked the short distance to her door, intending to drop her there and move on to the staircase, but something made him stop. He quickly made the decision and turned back to her in the hall. 

"Can I kiss you good night?"

"What?" She froze with the key in the lock. 

He smiled. "We kinda just went on a date." 

"Fine." Alex acquiesced and puckered her lips for a kiss. 

Sonny leaned in and kissed her cheek. 

"Sonny!" She protested. 

He grinned with a little more confidence. "I didn't know I was allowed."

She smirked at him and pulled herself up on her toes and kissed him properly. He kissed back, laying just the right amount of pressure back. It felt good. They both smiled, dazed at each other for a second, but then Sonny frowned. He didn't want to just make up with kisses. Alex knew this too. She sighed and steeled herself. 

"Do...do you wanna come in?" she asked slowly, looking him right in the eye. 

"Are you gonna yell at me?" He asked softly. 

"Probably." Alex smiled and almost laughed. She turned to turn the key in the lock. 

Sonny put his hand on the small of her back as he followed her inside. "Worth it."

He hung his coat on the armchair and she took off her layers and rested them on the couch. She sat down and played with the hem of her skirt. She looked up at him. 

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say." She said honestly. 

"How do you feel?" He tried and sat down on the opposite end. 

She sighed. "Frustrated...sad..."

"Angry." He added. 

She looked him in the eye again, "I missed you."

Sonny started to smile. "I missed you too."

"I was- I'm really mad at you." She added. 

He nodded. 

"I was mad too. I-the key." He shook his head. "That was stupid."

"Yeah," she nodded. 

Sonny rolled his eyes. "What's that mean?"

"I'm agreeing with you. It was stupid." She flashed her eyes at him. "You're not fucking right all the time Sonny!"

"It's not about right!" He gestured wildly. "I'm almost never right."

"What's it's about, then?" She crossed her arms. "I don't want to have the same fight over and over!"

"I don't either. I don't want to fight with you, at all." He looked sheepish. "I crossed a line with Henry and I'm sorry but I can't- I can't help myself...not when it comes to you."

She had started to smile without realizing it. 

"Is that a smile?" He grinned again. 

She frowned "No."

"Oh." He rolled his eyes. "Al c'mon I know you love me too. I can't...I wanna protect you from everything. Even your brother. I...you're mine."

"I am not yours!" Alex's eyes went wide with rage. 

"You're not?" He pushed 

"I'm not a thing!" She glared and puffed up again. 

He gave her a sideways smile. "Okay. So you're not my possession. I get that. But...you're my girl and you're a lot more vulnerable than you think you are and I'm sorry if I feel like I have to protect you. He just hit a nerve."

"Well maybe Henry is right. I'm not domestic. I'm never going to be a homemaker." She shook her head. It hurt to admit that a little, it felt like the nail in the coffin. 

"So what?" Sonny upturned his palms and screwed up his face. "Do you think that's what I want from you? Did I give you that impression?"

She looked down, "I don't know. I just...I don't want you to settle. You deserve someone who can take care of you-"

"You do that!" He insisted and grabbed her arm. 

She looked up at him. He was smiling. 

"You really think I'm settling for you?" He questioned, tilting his head to one side. "Al...you're...you know what you look like, right?"

She flushed. Sonny grinned and coaxed her hand gently from her tightly crossed arms. 

"I like that you focused on being a good nurse and that you don't cook and you're...so...Alex! I love those things!" He held her hand. "I fell in love with you, not some idea."

"I just thought I could separate it, ya know?" She shrugged. "I thought I could have my family and...and then have you, like over here." She motioned with her hands. 

Sonny smiled. "Life don't work like dat."

She sighed. "I know. I just...I like when it's just you and me..."

Sonny grinned wider. 

"I feel safe. All that other stuff goes away. I didn't know I could feel that way about another person." She began shaking her head. "I really didn't."

"Ya know you make me feel...that way too. I didn't even...I didn't want a girlfriend anymore than you wanted a boyfriend, Al. I spend all day chasing predators or with my head in a book! I didn't want to send anyone down that path with me." He explained. "I don't have to try so hard when I'm with you. Well, usually, the present excluded."

Alex laughed. 

"I'm sorry if I pushed you. I didn't-"

She shook her head and screwed up her lips before she's spoke. "Maybe I needed the push. I always just push back until they leave me alone...you don't back down from me."

"Am I supposed to be scared?" He smirked. "You're a tiny little woman!"

She looked menacing. "I'll kick your ass, Carisi!"

"You probably could!" He agreed. 

She grinned. 

"It was never a matter of loving you." She shook her head. "I do love you. But I'm...still mad at you."

Sonny nodded. 

"Henry-" she started. 

"No, you're right. I don't have any right to talk about your brother like that." He allowed. "I don't know him but I was mad too."

"Why?" She asked. 

"Because you were mad at me and because I didn't like what Henry said to you. I was mad you let him." He sighed. "And then I read what you were saying to Sarah and-" 

"What did I say to Sarah?" Alex started getting a little angry again. 

"You were...making plans to schtup that guy!" He struggled to not look completely pissed off. 

"Schtup what guy?" Alex asked. "I wasn't going to sleep with some guy!"

"Well you were just...so..."

"You have to get over it!" She argued. "You can't freak out about whatever I did before you and the things I talk about with my friends. You shouldn't have even read that!"

"I know but-"

"Sonny I'm with you! I am!" She tried to soothe him by looking him right in the eye. "You have to trust me."

He took a breath and nodded but didn't say anything. 

"I don't want to schtup anybody but you." She grinned. 

He smiled back. "Yeah?"

"Yeah...you're good at it." She winked. 

"Am I?" He wiggled his eyebrow back. 

"You know you are..." She rolled her eyes. "You're the b-"

She stopped herself.

"I'm what?" Sonny asked a devilish smile overcoming his features. 

She was almost glaring as she stared at him a second. 

"You're the best I've ever had." She admitted. 

He grabbed her by the waist and scooted himself to her, kissing her passionately. She let him, giving no resistance but offering no encouragement. 

"Ya gonna just sit there?" He grinned at her. 

"You don't like when I try to be all controlling."

"Well you're wrong about that." Sonny smirked. "Ya know what ya want...it's kinda a turn on."

Alex bit her lip and smiled. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." He confirmed. "So whatd'ya want?"

"I want you to do whatever you want to me." Her eyes flashed with desire. 

Sonny kissed her again. "I love you."

"I love you too." She returned and got off the couch with a wink and led the way to the bedroom. 

Sonny followed. Inside he kissed every inch of the skin he missed and made her cry out his name. This time, for once, she just let him.  
****


End file.
